# Coaching conversations > Ask more than you tell: goal, reality, options and one next step, and the three cases when coaching is the wrong tool. - Course: [From Specialist to Manager: Your First Year Leading a Team](https://productovi.com/courses/from-specialist-to-manager.md) - Module: Growing people, and a team that runs without you - Lesson 29/32, ~25 min - Source: https://productovi.com/courses/from-specialist-to-manager/coaching-conversations ## August: a request from Olha **Alex Tutor:** August 2027, your eighth month leading Klasna's Support team. Dmytro and Sofiia left in June, and over the summer two coordinators are on shift while the others take vacations. **Alex Tutor:** This last month is about growth: coaching, fair reviews and a team that runs without you. It starts with Olha's one-to-one. **Olha:** Can we use today differently? I want to be ready to lead a team one day. Not yours, relax. I just don't know where to start. **Sofia:** My instinct: hand her a list. Run the Friday call, plan the autumn rota, join my check-ins with Iryna. **Alex Tutor:** That's telling. Here the goal is Olha's, and she knows her work better than you do. A **coaching conversation** helps a person think it through and pick their own next step: you ask more than you tell. **Alex Tutor:** Four stops: the goal, today's reality, the options, one next step. The one-to-one agenda is already hers, as in "The one-to-one that works", so coaching fits right in. > **Exercise:** Olha says she wants to be ready to lead a team one day. Which opening line starts a coaching conversation best? ## The goal and today's reality **Sofia:** What would "ready to lead" look like for you by December? **Olha:** Planning the September restart on my own: the rota, onboarding for anyone new, the hand-up rules. You'd only review it. **Alex Tutor:** A good goal: hers, concrete, dated. Now the reality: facts and what she has tried, not her potential. **Alex Tutor:** Check the goal before moving on. Which version gives the conversation direction? > **Exercise:** Which goal gives Olha's coaching conversation the **best direction**? **Sofia:** What have you already planned on your own, and what got in the way? **Olha:** The hard-ticket rotation, back in February. What gets in the way: when someone new is stuck, I just take the ticket. It's faster. **Alex Tutor:** Recognize it? It's your January habit with the hardest tickets. Don't name it for her; ask a question that lets her see it. > **Exercise:** Olha says that when a newcomer is stuck, she takes the ticket herself because it's faster. Which reply helps her see the pattern on her own? ## Options, then one step **Sofia:** When you take the ticket, what does the newcomer learn? **Olha:** That Olha fixes it. Hm. Point taken. **Alex Tutor:** Now the options. Ask "What could you try?", then "What else?" twice. The third idea is often the useful one. **Olha:** Pair with the person instead of taking over. Write up the five hardest ticket types. Run a short practice hour before the September hires start. **Alex Tutor:** Pause on the options stop for a second. > **Exercise:** **True or false:** once the person names a first option, the lead should move straight on to the next step, since the first idea is usually the best. **Sofia:** I have an idea too. Can I say it? **Alex Tutor:** Yes: after hers, as one option among several. "One more idea: present the rota to Iryna yourself. What do you think?" Coaching doesn't hide your view; it just doesn't lead with it. > **Exercise:** In a coaching conversation a lead should never share their own idea, even when the person has run out of options. **Alex Tutor:** Last stop: one step she owns, with a date and a way to report back, written in your shared one-to-one notes. **Olha:** By the 20th I'll write up the five hardest ticket types, and for two weeks I'll pair instead of taking over. I'll bring both to our next one-to-one. **Alex Tutor:** Her step, her words, her date. Write it for her and it quietly becomes your plan. **Sofia:** And if the step doesn't happen? **Alex Tutor:** Then that's the next reality question, without blame: "What got in the way?" **Alex Tutor:** Try that follow-up yourself. > **Exercise:** At the next one-to-one, Olha hasn't written up the five hardest ticket types she promised by the 20th. What's the best way to open? > **Exercise:** Put these questions from a coaching conversation in the order they usually come. ## When coaching is the wrong tool **Alex Tutor:** Coaching works when the person can find the answer. In three situations they can't. **Alex Tutor:** Unclear expectations: if nobody said what a good handover note looks like, asking for her opinion is a guessing game. Set the expectation first. **Alex Tutor:** A skill gap: someone who has never processed a refund needs teaching and a worked example, not questions. Coaching comes after the basics. **Alex Tutor:** A performance problem: when a pattern keeps hurting families, say it directly, behavior, impact, next step, as in "Feedback on behavior, not on character". Weeks of questions only postpone that talk. **Sofia:** And if a one-to-one turns to stress, or something heavier? **Alex Tutor:** Listen, take it seriously, and point to professional help. A lead is not a therapist. > **Exercise:** Match each situation with the tool that fits it best. **Alex Tutor:** One more case where coaching isn't the answer. > **Exercise:** In a one-to-one, a coordinator says they've slept badly for weeks and dread every shift. What should the lead do? ## Your turn: Maryna **Alex Tutor:** On video, silence feels longer than it is. Count to five before you rescue a pause with advice. **Sofia:** Maryna wrote to me too: she wants to explain the refund policy better to upset parents on calls. **Alex Tutor:** Skill gap or a goal she can work out? She knows the policy well, and her tickets reopen least on the team. So coaching fits. **Alex Tutor:** Write your questions for her one-to-one. > **Exercise:** Maryna wants to get better at explaining the refund policy to upset parents on calls. Write four questions for her one-to-one: one each for the goal, the reality, the options and the next step. > **Key ideas** > > - A coaching conversation helps a person think through their own goal and choose their own next step. You ask more than you tell. > - Four stops: the goal (theirs, concrete, dated), today's reality (facts, what was tried), options ("What else?" at least twice), one next step they own and write down. > - You can share your idea: after theirs, as one option among several. > - Coaching is the wrong tool for unclear expectations (set them), skill gaps (teach) and performance problems (direct feedback on behavior). Stress or anything heavier: listen and point to professional help. > - On video, let silences run, and keep the next step in shared notes. **Alex Tutor:** Next comes the review season. Before you rate anyone, you'll need facts, not memories. - Previous lesson: [Case: support for the summer with two people](https://productovi.com/courses/from-specialist-to-manager/summer-with-two-people-case.md) - Next lesson: [Evaluating people fairly](https://productovi.com/courses/from-specialist-to-manager/evaluating-people-fairly.md) --- Productovi Learning. Free, no sign-up needed to read.